Zoe

Age: 19 | US

"I was on antidepressants early in my childhood. At just 12 years old, I was prescribed citalopram 20mg. I took it for 5 months and then tapered off because my doctor and my mom said it was necessary to slowly taper off. I couldn’t just rapidly stop taking it since it caused horrible withdrawal symptoms, and my mom realized I might be sensitive to this type of antidepressant (SSRIs).

So when I finished tapering off the drug, I slowly noticed over the course of three months that I felt less and less. I got numb down there which didn’t necessarily impact my life, because at that age it isn’t something impacting, but it was weird since it felt like dead flesh and it was all over my body. It was this numbness kind of feeling and just overall very weird. I noticed that within those 3 months I had lost all of my emotions. I felt extremely numb as if I was put under anesthesia or something. I began to feel like a robot. I just felt nothing, a whole lot of nothing. I also had horrible insomnia, no appetite, and derealization.

This lasted for over 2 years and didn’t improve. When I reached my 3rd year, I began to slowly notice improvements. I really felt like I was dying. I didn’t feel anything at all and I felt horrible. This was an unimaginable amount of pain. I even got diagnosed with PSSD, although no one believed me.

Since there is no treatment, I thought I would forever live with this. I was in so much despair that I tried to take my life at 14 because of PSSD. No one ever believed me when I told my story. I just hope that one day my story will be recognized and not thrown in the trash like it didn’t happen.

I just want my story to be heard and seen.”