Zoe

Age: 26 | UK

"I endured horrific bullying in my youth, resulting in lifelong trauma and emotional issues. The obvious solution was homeschooling to protect me from further harm. However, a supposed "responsible and knowledgeable doctor" had a different idea when I was just 14. This doctor decided to prescribe me the SSRI Prozac (fluoxetine) without informing me of any potential side effects. To make matters worse, I was still forced to attend the same school that had initially caused my misery. It was impossible to provide genuine consent when I had no knowledge of the medication being put into my body.

I began experiencing extreme paranoia and the bullying got worse. I suddenly stopped all my hobbies yet I never knew why. I was on Prozac for a total of 2-3 years.

At the age of 19, I was prescribed another SSRI after explaining my depression, which stemmed from my lost childhood due to bullying. The "doctor" immediately asked, "Did your boyfriend dump you?" and blamed the depression on me by saying, "Do you have depression, or do you just sit and play Pokémon all day?" Despite this disgusting remark, he prescribed me Celexa (citalopram). Again without any warning of potential side effects.

My genitals went numb and I turned completely asexual. I had no idea the medication was the cause. At one point, I even temporarily developed Bell's Palsy, a condition that paralyzed half of my face. Additionally, I suffered from severe depersonalization and frightening out-of-body experiences, never connecting them to the medication due to a lack of information.

At 20, I was prescribed Zoloft (sertraline). It's disgusting that I received three different medications before anyone suggested therapy, which is what I truly needed from the beginning.

Then finally, at the age of 23, I learned what PSSD is. Afterwards I was prescribed Trintellix (vortioxetine) despite not wanting an to take an antidepressant, I just wanted something to help my anger issues.

This is the medication that has truly destroyed my life. My genitals have gone completely numb. I didn't even have to touch myself to know I had gone numb. Then as they upped the dosage I started feeling dead. I described to a friend that I felt black and white, and if I were an egg you could crack me open and nothing would be inside.

I was still on the medication when I Googled sexual dysfunction, and that's when I learned what PSSD is. I panicked out of fear I will never regain my sexual functioning back, so I quit the meds cold turkey. Despite how rare PSSD is, it still happened to me. I waited weeks... months... years... My genitals are still completely numb. And that's when everything fell into place. I questioned my entire life why I was never able to orgasm no matter what, and now I know it's because I was poisoned by these meds at only 14. I never even got the chance to enjoy sex. And I cry almost every single day knowing there is a whole world of pleasure out there but I will never experience it just once. I have lost all of my hobbies and interest for life. I have brain fog and have been rendered nearly disabled from this. Because doctors thought they'd poison my body without any warning this could happen, because they were too lazy to sort out homeschooling and therapy.

I am extremely lucky that, despite multiple failed suicide attempts, I have found someone who absolutely loves me, and accepts me the way I am, and he knows about the sexual issues. I truly love him so much. I don't want to destroy his life by ending mine, and I have held on through the unbearable pain to keep him happy, but knowing I can't even make love to my own boyfriend, and watching my entire youth slip away from me year by year is too much to face.

Doctors won't help me. I'm just forced to be left on my own and live with the damage other people have done to me. I'm forced to embarrass and humiliate myself by talking about my private parts to the entire internet, just to spread awareness of this disease. Even if I do get cured now, I will still be traumatised by having my body stop functioning overnight, and losing the best years of my life. I question if it's a battle still worth fighting.”