KELLI

Age: 40 | US

"In January of 2021 I was prescribed Lexapro (escitalopram) 10mg at 3 weeks postpartum because I was dealing with extreme instability in my home during a vulnerable time.

I was hesitant to start medication and did not want something with a lot of side effects or that was difficult to stop taking. My OB/GYN gave me escitalopram and said it had the least side effects and would be easy to come off of when I was ready.

I immediately felt head pressure, a migraine, light sensitivity and emotional blunting from my first dose. I was told my body needed an adjustment period and to continue it. I did what I was told and I began to have serious GI issues such as IBS/IBD.

I also experienced sexual side effects like loss in sensitivity and lubrication. By my second month on escitalopram I started to have insomnia, anxiety and ideation. None of these symptoms I had prior to the medication.

At 3 months I decided to stop taking the medication because the side effects made my health and circumstances much worse off than how I was before I took it. I did not get any benefits from the medication, only more problems that were increasing in severity.

After I stopped the medication I had a short withdrawal period that did not seem that bad. After a few weeks I went into discontinuation syndrome and that is when the real problems started. I had horrible anxiety, insomnia, and weight gain.

My legs felt like pins and needles. I had horrible brain fog, word finding issues and memory problems, extreme fatigue and joint pain. I also had tremors and dilated pupils with vision problems.

By 5 weeks post discontinuation I realized my genitals were completely numb. I could not even feel myself use the bathroom. I could not feel temperature, touch or sexual interaction of any kind.

When I forced climax I realized I could not feel it at all. No genital/ brain connection. It was like a switch had been turned off.

Not only could I not feel any of my sexuality, I also lost many skin sensations on my whole body. I could not feel the water in the shower.

I was always cold and could not feel any warmth in my body. I also could not feel pain the same. I experienced depersonalization and lost connection to myself. I had no inner dialogue or visualization from my thoughts.

I could not even read a children’s book to my kids. I felt like I had a stroke. I completely lost the ability to feel any pleasure, passion or dopamine response to anything. I could not feel alcohol or caffeine. I could not feel pain medication following a surgery. I had to close my business of 8 years as a wedding photographer and artist because I could no longer function mentally, physically or creatively.

I became completely disabled by something I only later learned was PSSD. I am almost 2 years into having PSSD since my last dose. I hang on for the hope that a cure is out there and I can get my life back."