Daryl

Age: 33 | UK

"I was an extremely fit and physically healthy child who loved playing football and cricket. When I was 9 or 10 years old, my previously undiagnosed OCD and Tourette's Syndrome became extremely severe. This included constant head, arm, leg movements, lots of spinning around, as well as phobias, feelings of sickness, spitting, and repetitive instructions I had to abide by, complicated by counting. When my conditions had worsened to this extent, I could no longer attend school, and my mother was unable to work, causing significant disruption to our family's life.

I saw child psychiatrists, psychologists, and was quickly admitted to a children's mental hospital. I also sought help from the world's leading experts at the specialist OCD and Tourette's Syndrome hospital called the Michael Rutter Center at the Maudsley Hospital in London. Initially, I was prescribed a sugary orange liquid (SSRI) called Seroxat for OCD and then Risperidone (Antipsychotic) for Tourette's Syndrome. The experts in this field convinced my concerned mother to agree to me being on these medications based on the false premise that there was no potential for permanent harm, as any potential side effects would simply disappear if I stopped taking them.

During my time in the hospital, I watched drug-sponsored cartoons that propagated the idea that my conditions were caused by a specific serotonin chemical imbalance in my brain, which would be corrected as long as I continued taking these treatments.

These lies have obviously turned out not to be true, which is why I find myself in a situation I never wanted to be in, sharing my story here.

Later in adolescence, I spent more time admitted to mental hospitals. During the second admission, I had stopped taking the medications for a few months. My treatment admission was under the ultimatum that I had to be on medications for my OCD and Tourette's Syndrome. Thus, I was prescribed Sertraline for OCD and Sulpiride for Tourette's Syndrome.

After missing a significant amount of education and struggling to secure full-time employment, at the age of 19, I was prescribed Pregabalin on top of everything else.

By the time I had reached 22, my erections had stopped responding to arousal normally. My blood results also showed that my prolactin levels were extremely high, and I experienced tiredness and other physical issues. I decided to cold turkey off all medications, which I was not informed could be done. The withdrawal was excruciating, and I wondered if I would survive it or how much of my brain would remain intact. I persevered through the worst of it. My prolactin levels stayed elevated longer than doctors or psychiatrists thought was possible. I was told it might be a brain tumor, but no further information was provided. Later, my thyroid levels also showed abnormalities on blood tests for a while. Despite being off all medications for 13 years, the effects of chemical castration and other harms have never returned to normal.

In a recent suicidal state due to other pains and disability, my doctor said the only painkiller left, other than morphine, that he could prescribe me was pregabalin or gabapentin. I initially refused, but he assured me that it wouldn't worsen the effects of the chemical castration medication injuries. Under duress, I believed the reasoning that it was only the SSRI's and other mental health medications I was on before that could worsen it, and I wasn't taking those with it. This decision was a grave mistake, as just a few weeks of gabapentin took me from 70% chemical castration to nearly 100%, permanently. I feel devastated, scared, and distressed every second because of it and keep blaming myself.

No medication leaflet, whether for mental health medications or gabapentin, ever informed me that these side effects could result in permanent injuries beyond the period of taking them. Later, they added a mention of this to the SSRI's in the UK and Europe, indicating that this must be illegal. Regardless of that fact, it would also be considered unreasonable by most people to omit that a listed side effect like a "headache" could lead to a never-ending headache long after stopping the product.

As a prepubescent disabled child, the state has violated my human rights under Article 8 of the right to a private and family life, with no justice, no consequences, no apology, no help, and no compensation.

Instead of enjoying my adult life free from the hardships of mental health services and hospitals, I have endured various confusing induced physical health issues, gaslighting by mental health services, and derogatory comments questioning my sanity to prevent medical professionals of any stripe from taking me seriously. As someone living with conditions considered both mental and physical disabilities, I would have preferred to be chained up and pelted with rotten vegetables by society in medieval times than to be discriminated against and abused by my government, enduring a lifetime of chemical castration and other harms in the present day.

No other child or young person from my community has had to endure this abuse and have their life put on indefinite hold by the government or others. They have all been allowed to live freely and enjoy their lives. All I want is the same.”