Andy

Age: 35

"I took 10mg of citalopram in late 2010 for about 4 months. I was 23 years old. I had been depressed after dropping out of college, and my doctor heavily persuaded me to take it. I didn't notice any benefit from taking the drug so I stopped it. My doctor told me I could just quit cold turkey since I was on a low dose.

After stopping the drug, I experienced many horrible symptoms:

  • Sexual dysfunction: numbness, no erogenous feeling in my genitals, no libido, looking at naked women was like looking at a tree or a rock.

  • Social withdrawness: I became very withdrawn and distant from everyone; I don't smile, laugh, or make eye contact. I have difficulty making small talk. It feels like my mind is completely blank. It's like the social part of my brain is turned off.

  • Brain fog: I developed a constant feeling of pressure in my forehead, like someone was gently squeezing my temples. I had trouble focusing on things; I would feel spaced out sometimes, like I had lost 20 IQ points.

  • Fatigue: Sometimes I would just lie around in bed all day because I was so exhausted. Doing housework and basic hygiene became extremely difficult.

  • Anger: I started shouting and screaming and acting very out of character. Little incidents would set me off, and I would be in a rage for the rest of the day.

  • Insomnia: Very light sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night and then not being able to fall asleep again for hours.

  • Other symptoms I had were: nausea, poor appetite, mild fevers or shivering, diarrhoea, constipation, frequent urination, depersonalization, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts, migraines, mouth ulcers, dizziness and a lack of energy and motivation. I experienced so many symptoms that I'm sure there are some I've forgotten. It's been hell.

I tried to reinstate the drug to see if it would help, but it just made me worse, and I became suicidal.

It's been 12 years since I stopped taking citalopram. While some of my symptoms improved with time, I never fully recovered. Taking that drug ruined my life. I still live with my parents, and I don't have a full-time job. I can't really function like a normal person at all. I haven't had any relationships or friendships over the past 12 years. It's hard to put into words just how large an effect this has had on my life. It completely disabled me.

Not being able to make connections with other people is the hardest thing for me. I used to laugh and joke around with people, and now it feels like my personality was deleted. Multiple people have told me that I'm the quietest person they have ever met. For some reason this is the way it affected me. I was totally normal before taking Citalopram. It was the worst mistake of my life.”